I was privileged to grow up in my ancestral home at Ukan, Mbavende, Mbajoho, as a family member and a child of Agena Genyi Konna Adu Kuha in Ushongo Local Government Area of Benue State, Nigeria. Untill my first year in the Secondary School days I was a typical village boy that was strictly arround the village community without traveling to no where.
My stay in the village was full of experience and knowledge regarding the Tiv tradition and experience as a growing child because I had very close relationship with the most elderly people in our community rather than my age brackets or play mates particilarly because my both parents were busy and could not carry me in all their engagements at most times. The fear of being hurt by my older friends and play mates made me much more closer to elders as they protected and guided me as well.
It was benefitting being arround the elderly people as child most especially because they taught me the deep things of the Tiv tradition, took good care of me and I received allot of sense and understood the TIV culture to some extent because of my deep involvement in community activities as well. This experience and teachings I received as a child in addition to my experience as an adult are a pivot to my boldness in correcting the misguided information given by miscreants against a noble Tiv tribe with the best cultural and traditional ethics worth emulating across the globe.
My engagements in general community activities including elders meetings, social gatherings in the community etc was also geared my better understanding of traditional morals, and better knowledge about my people. I payed attention listening to community discussions and I could return home with questions to my uncle who was in his 70s at that time, and he would sit and explain all the deep statements made at certain gatherings with out my understanding, he narrated in detail all the discussions for us to have a clear picture of why certain decisions and statements were made and I got answers that illuminated me.
I became furious and very uncomfortable hearing for the first time in my SS1 while at my Secondary School Level that the “Tiv people offer their wives to visitors in appreciation”. This was one of the first shocks of my life that I never recovered from it quickly. I took it very personal and asked the guys that made this statements some curious questions in attempt to seek further information of this.
My curiosity made me to become a researcher of the TIV tradition after I was told that they also heard it from somewhere.
I made allot of efforts asking questions to any elders I came across regardless of their educational qualification, where they came from and I could discuss it even while onboarding public transports just to know if it was true. No one told me that was correct but rather had allot of stories to tell me countering such slanderous allegations against the whole tribe.
I met the likes of HRM Foga Gbazenda, Tyo-Or Mbaaka, Ushongo LGA, Benue State, also HRH Tor Gema Alu, particularly because of their close friendships with my father regarding this and they told me not to believe those miserable lies.
I remember returning home on a weekend curiously some day to asked my father the same questions but he would only smile, and ask me “Ande, why should a man give his wife to his visitor? Does that make sense to you?” And he tells me not to believe such useless lies. He encouraged me to always stand to tell those telling such lies to stop as nothing of such is attached to the Tiv tradition.
I was not still satisfied with my fathers responds but waited till my vacation period just to return the same question to my 76 years old uncle (Dom Agena) in the village, whom I enjoyed hearing his Tiv language riddles.
The old man narrated allot of stories, citing many example and calling and he could even be detailed calling names of people, and families that had some experiences for us to go ask questions and to have a better understanding of why other tribes wrongly assumed such happened.
In one of his stories, Baba Dom Agena said the pride of any Tiv man was/is his wives, his farms, family members, animals. They born allot of children and made sure there was much food for the consumption of everyone. A great Tiv man those days had also quite a number of helpers as well to assist them in the large farms and rearing of animals. He married more than one wife, but the last wife was always the one very closest to his him because she was new and needed more attention.
He calls her for everything he wanted to do. This was also an indirect way of telling her (new wife) to respect the elderly ones and listen to them because they were her senior and had passed through all of those premarital stages before her. He expects the elderly wives to also teach the new wife traditional/Cultural morals so that she may be a good wife to their husband.
However, when a visitor comes, the last wife who is most closer to the husband was still the one he instructed to cook for them with the guardian of the first wives, have them water to bath and prepare for them a place to sleep.
This is because his visitor(s) is so dear to him too. The generousity of a Tiv man makes him to imbibe the habit of carrying the entire pot of meat/chicken killed for the visitor to him with out removing any parts.
Him and his wife may leave their sleeping room for the visitor if he had no other better place for the visitor to sleep.
The best wrapper of the wive would be given to him to cover incase of cold.
Many would ask why, but this is because a Tiv man puts love, and comfort of his visitor at extreme level.
Now, the repacautions of his actions sometimes pays him with pain, poverty, and some of this lies that could destroy his home.
Any body can understand how though it is for someone to leave his room for a visitor. You may sometimes wish to take something, bath or otherwise in the middle not the night, but because your comfort is given to a stranger, you may can’t. The visitor may be dirty in all manners but because you allow him too much comfort, they may do strange stuff and go away with it not knowing to you. Like in case he said a you may accommodate a diabolical person that actually goes out in the night to do his evil without you knowing.
On the other side, Sometimes the visitor may call for attention of something when he is in the room already, (it could be a case of light off and he needs some light, he needs water, and etc (depending on his want at that time) and the woman happens to be the one to go attend to him that minute, especially when no body to send is there, many corrupt people from other tribes seeing her come out of that room may start spreading such falsehood out of hate or jealousy for people to believe she and the visitor funnicated where as the woman in real sense is innocent.
Note: It is ridiculous to say that a newly married wife that is very dear to the heart of her husband is offered to his visitor as many mischievous minds may assume.
It is hatred to think that his first wives who are supposed to be teachers to his last wife are offered to his visitor when all they are supposed to be teaching his last wife is for her to love her husband more than anyone else, compassion, respect, truth and humility to him.
Let me remind all evil minded friends or visitors of Tiv families who intend to capitalize on Tiv people’s rigorous generousity to invade their privacy, or attempt sleeping with their wive’s to be assured that a Tiv man would cut off your head if he finds you with his wife. Tiv people don’t joke with their wives.
Her husband can kill you if he discovers any funny move you make to have his wives, because they are his pride, and every Tiv man is extremely jealous and over protective when it comes to his relationships and the entire family affairs. No Tiv man plays with his wife.
Know also that there is only a very serious domestic violence amongst Tiv couples mostly when their is an issue of infidelity and this alone should speak louder how they despise infidelity in marriage. No Tiv married man or Woman wants their spouse with some one else, except it’s it’s discussed and declared marriage on the side of a poligamous man with his wive’s total knowledge and understanding.
It is therefore very obvious that people with such slanderous narratives against the Tiv people are either under the myth of hate and are deliberate, or does not know what the Tiv tradition represent. It is sad to use a peoples generausity against them in a very tarnishing way. The Tiv tradition does not in any way represent or allow such ungodly behavior. Those in attempt to push for such believes in attempt to damage the image of an entire noble tribe (Tiv) should be discarded, condemned and brought to book.